i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the day after is always just damage control
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just found puke in my bra..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
