WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
