I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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