Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
