Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
