jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
