she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
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bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
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I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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