we're chasing vodka with high fives
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
