i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
