there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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