Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
