.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
