hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
