Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
