i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
