The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
