I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
