OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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