How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
