first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
