What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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