He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
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You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
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That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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