Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
