I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He passed out mid-signature
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
