As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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