DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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