So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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