She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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