It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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