is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
