When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
