"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
