i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
