Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
