3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
