There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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