Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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