We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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