1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
