what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
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I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
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He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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