I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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