Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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