omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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