i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
