I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
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I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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