I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
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i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
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I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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