You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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