She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
