Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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