Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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