I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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