My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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