I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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