And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
