I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
