oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We need to get me chipped asap
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
