I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
