I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
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