The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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