Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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