I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
