So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
