We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
