Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
