apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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