drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
