I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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