On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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