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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.

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• (949): View more from California

  It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  You have the best birthdays

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.

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• (916): View more from California

  Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????

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• (425): View more from Washington

  WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  Shame - the story of my life.

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