So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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