Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
