I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
