I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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