Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize