I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
