there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
