ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
