she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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