ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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