I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
