Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
