So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
