One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
